Why do singles hate Valentine's Day?
We say its overly commercialized, a Hallmark holiday. We say that the expectations are too much, the romance too contrived, too arbitrary, too influenced by the companies peddling their wares.
In reality we hate it because we feel like there is nothing for us on this day. The proof that those other reasons are mere fronts for our real feelings? While a single may rail about these evils year after year, once their first Valentine's day with someone they love arrives, those objections are long forgotten as they are caught in the bliss and celebration of a love they finally found, or have perhaps recovered.
On one level, there is nothing wrong with that. If in fact there is nothing for single people on Valentine's day, then a certain amount of bitterness is justified. Why should the people who have celebrate in the face of those who have not? If we see an image of the ultra rich reveling on the streets in front of those in poverty, throwing money away because they can in front of those who don't have enough to survive, we feel a sense of injustice, and rightly so.
So is this what Valentine's day is? Is it us against them? The haves and the have not's?
If we feel this way, we are believing a lie.
We have believed that marriage is ultimate. We have believed that marriage is the greatest expression of love on the earth and since we don't have it, we are missing out. If we do have it, we have accomplished or have experienced the greatest thing this side of heaven.
This lie is not a product of our culture, of our money hungry companies out there to tell us anything they can to make a quick buck. This lie is a product of our own hearts. The Jews in the times of Jesus also believed this. In speaking to the Pharisees, Jesus puts human marriage in its rightful place.
"But Jesus answered them, “You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven." Matthew 22:29-30.
We like the fairy tales and the romance novels. "We will be together forever." It is romantic and sensational. We look into the eyes of one who loves us for who we are, not what we have done (hopefully) and we know we don't ever want to be apart from that. We want that for as long as we exist, well into the depths of eternity. We can't imagine that anyone else will love us that way. We see this as ultimate and nothing could be better.
Paul says in Ephesians 5:31-32
"'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church."
What the Bible tells us that the ultimate expression of love is Christ, his incarnation, his life, his death, his resurrection. Nothing is greater. It says marriage refers to this. Marriage is a taste of this. And as great of a taste it is, it is not THE taste, it is A taste.
Marriage is not ultimate. So there is no "missing out". There should be no "us" and "them", the "haves" and the "have nots". If we have been adopted as his sons and daughters we all have, and we all have it equally.
The applications are many. First, singles, let us celebrate along with our married friends. Don't make them walk on eggshells, afraid to remind us of what we "don't have". They experience an amazing picture of God's love and it is worth celebrating.
Second, let us celebrate what we do have. We get tastes of this same love as well, for the basis of that taste is our adoption as sons and daughters of God. Knowing this for ourselves, leading others to it, sharing in the experience of adoption with others. We see these as less of an experience because we have built up the other too high in our own minds.
Third, if marriage is a taste of Christ, then there are in fact "have nots". Not singles but those who are without Christ. Let us not forget them. Is that not what St Valentine was doing anyway? Loving those who needed it, sharing the gospel with those who had not heard?
I am desperately thirsty and I want everything that God has for me. I want to taste and see that the Lord is good. I want to experience all the fullness of all the glory of God's love through Christ. He is helping me realize that marriage is not THE way he does this. He fills me with promises, making me remember that heaven will be the same, whether I marry on earth or not. He tells me, "You already know this love, go share it." He adopts me as his son, not because of what I have done but because of who he is and what he has created me to be. I know this love and will gladly celebrate it today.
Happy Valentine's day.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Reciprocity
Have you ever heard or used this phrase in your life?
"I don't like you but I love you."
or perhaps
"Its a good thing I love you because sometimes I really don't like you."
I feel like it is most often used in the context of family. There are these people that we are "required" to love because of some social construct that our society defines that facilitates the continuation of our race so we have to "love" them even though they are people we would never choose to hang out with otherwise. It is fraught with a sense of obligation, robbing the relationship of any sense of intimacy and enjoyment. We benefit from the relationship sure but it seems more like a symbiotic partnership than an intimate relationship.
Do you ever think that God feels the same way about us?
We know that God loves us. He sent his Son to die for us to redeem us to himself. We hear about God's love all of the time. We love the love of God. We talk about it, we sing about it, we preach it, we pray it, we base everything on it.
But does God like us?
You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
4 No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,
and your land Beulah;
for the Lord will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
5 As a young man marries a young woman,
so will your Builder marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you.
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
4 No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,
and your land Beulah;
for the Lord will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
5 As a young man marries a young woman,
so will your Builder marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you.
Isaiah 62:3-5
Psychologists say that the single largest determining factor in human attraction is reciprocity. That means we are attracted most to people who are attracted to us back.
So we love God because he first loved us.
But we enjoy God because he rejoices over us. He delights in us. He promises this. This relationship is what we have to look forward to. If ever you wonder if heaven is going to be a place really worth fighting for, really worth suffering for, really worth sacrificing for, really worth dying for just think of this.
You know how good you feel when you walk in to a gathering and people's faces light up when you enter because they are glad to see you?
Imagine how you will feel when the God of the universe infinitely delights to have you in his presence and rejoices over you.
I don't care how desperately thirsty I am, that will quench it. And knowing that that is coming will hold me over enough to get me there.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy Valentine's Day?
Most singles hate Valentine's day.
We call it a Hallmark holiday or Singles Awareness Day. We bemoan its entirely commercial nature, call it completely unnecessary, become conscientious objectors to the whole idea of Valentine's Day.
Not that singles are alone in this. Men in relationships who do not have the romantic bent will hate it because their partner will have an idea of Valentine's Day they can never live up to. Its a day of the year full of unmet expectation that often ends in quiet disappointment.
I have never had a problem with Valentine's Day. I think it is because I have never been in a relationship, I don't know what Valentine's Day is "supposed" to be. In some sense, I don't know what I'm "missing". I've played along, joked with friends, hated on the commercialized nature of it, agreed with exasperated men having to live up to expectations, nodded sagely with those who say, "We don't do Valentine's Day," and generally just floated along while never really having any sort of feeling to it.
It hit me more this year. As I listened and read and talked to people, I wondered, "Why don't I hate it?". I know myself. I am desperately thirsty. If there is any day in the year that I should be reminded of what I do not have, it is this one. And yet...
The name, Saint Valentine first appeared in a Catholic book of martyrs in the 1400's though a "feast of Saint Valentine" was said to be instituted even earlier in the 400's. The importance is not really who he is or what he did but the fact that he was found and remembered as a martyr.
John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."
1 John 3:16 "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers."
You know it seems like every other day, we realize what love we have. However, this one day out of the year, we buy into the lie that culture has given us. We let stores and cards and people's stories ascribe to us our worth and define our identity like we never do around Christmas. Why have we let culture redefine this day? Because we want what the culture has for us. We want this redefined image of love and we forget what real love is.
Real love is what brought the Gospel to your ear. Someone loved you enough to face rejection and ridicule to give you the truth of Christ. Real love is what gave you the Bible in your language. Someone faced punishment and death to write and translate the Word and even more loved enough to distribute it. Real love is what is spread the Gospel to the far corners of the earth. Real love is what brought the Gospel out of the first century. Real love is what fueled the Gospel outside of Jerusalem. Real love is what kept Jesus on the cross, making sure that there even is a Gospel.
Love is the vehicle by which the Gospel has spread throughout time and space and into our hearts today. God gave of himself, all of himself for us. Men and women gave of themselves, all they had including their lives, for us. Unlike the culture that connects worth to chocolates and diamonds and dinners and teddy bears, countless people have told you that you are treasured by giving you their life so that you can hear the glorious truth of the one who loves you most. Don't buy into the lies because you are beautiful, you are treasured and you are worth every bit of that sacrifice because of the grace and the love of God himself.
So, honestly, have a Happy Valentine's day. It is worth celebrating.
We call it a Hallmark holiday or Singles Awareness Day. We bemoan its entirely commercial nature, call it completely unnecessary, become conscientious objectors to the whole idea of Valentine's Day.
Not that singles are alone in this. Men in relationships who do not have the romantic bent will hate it because their partner will have an idea of Valentine's Day they can never live up to. Its a day of the year full of unmet expectation that often ends in quiet disappointment.
I have never had a problem with Valentine's Day. I think it is because I have never been in a relationship, I don't know what Valentine's Day is "supposed" to be. In some sense, I don't know what I'm "missing". I've played along, joked with friends, hated on the commercialized nature of it, agreed with exasperated men having to live up to expectations, nodded sagely with those who say, "We don't do Valentine's Day," and generally just floated along while never really having any sort of feeling to it.
It hit me more this year. As I listened and read and talked to people, I wondered, "Why don't I hate it?". I know myself. I am desperately thirsty. If there is any day in the year that I should be reminded of what I do not have, it is this one. And yet...
The name, Saint Valentine first appeared in a Catholic book of martyrs in the 1400's though a "feast of Saint Valentine" was said to be instituted even earlier in the 400's. The importance is not really who he is or what he did but the fact that he was found and remembered as a martyr.
John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."
1 John 3:16 "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers."
You know it seems like every other day, we realize what love we have. However, this one day out of the year, we buy into the lie that culture has given us. We let stores and cards and people's stories ascribe to us our worth and define our identity like we never do around Christmas. Why have we let culture redefine this day? Because we want what the culture has for us. We want this redefined image of love and we forget what real love is.
Real love is what brought the Gospel to your ear. Someone loved you enough to face rejection and ridicule to give you the truth of Christ. Real love is what gave you the Bible in your language. Someone faced punishment and death to write and translate the Word and even more loved enough to distribute it. Real love is what is spread the Gospel to the far corners of the earth. Real love is what brought the Gospel out of the first century. Real love is what fueled the Gospel outside of Jerusalem. Real love is what kept Jesus on the cross, making sure that there even is a Gospel.
Love is the vehicle by which the Gospel has spread throughout time and space and into our hearts today. God gave of himself, all of himself for us. Men and women gave of themselves, all they had including their lives, for us. Unlike the culture that connects worth to chocolates and diamonds and dinners and teddy bears, countless people have told you that you are treasured by giving you their life so that you can hear the glorious truth of the one who loves you most. Don't buy into the lies because you are beautiful, you are treasured and you are worth every bit of that sacrifice because of the grace and the love of God himself.
So, honestly, have a Happy Valentine's day. It is worth celebrating.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
I Want You to Want Me
You know that 1977 song by Cheap Trick.
"I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin you to beg me"
I am an attention whore. I like it and I crave it. I love being the center of attention and not only that but the center of affection. I want to approval of everybody in the room. My public life, my words, my actions often center on this desire. Every person is the object of my desire.
Except God.
At least at the beginning.
See we are all like this. As sinful man we run far and fast from God. We don't want him, we want ourselves. We don't want his plan, we want ours. We want pleasure NOW, not pleasure later. We never really seek God's attention. We don't try to claw our way up to heaven begging for God to take notice of us. We beg and claw and fight and strive for the attention of those who are around us.
"Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?” Ruth 2:10
Ruth asks Boaz this question after he pledges his protection over her in his fields and offers her provision of drink if she is thirsty. She does this while on her knees, face to the ground, recognizing that no Israelite in his right mind should offer this blessing to a former oppressor, a foreigner and a stranger.
I was struck by this question. In context, Ruth had done plenty worth noting, namely her loyatly to her mother in law, and her good reputation preceded her. However, I read those words and I can't help but think,
"Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a sinner?"
When God called me out of darkness, I was not seeking him. I was rebelling against everything I had learned about him, making my own path, choosing what to please myself with. Yet he was the one not content to let me finish my hell bound race. He was the one who poured his spirit into my life. He was the one who drew me back to himself so that I could have eternal life instead of eternal death. He was the one who sent his son to die so that I could be saved.
"God, why do you bother?" I often ask that question in my struggle with sin. "Why do you convict me? Why do you work to bring me back? Why do you exert your will? Why do you never give up? Why do you want me?"
His answer is actually a little bit like that song.
"I want you to want me
but I don't need you to need me
I'd just love you to love me
but I won't beg you to beg me.
Didn't I, didn't I didn't I see you crying?
Feelin all alone without a friend, I know you felt like dyin
Didn't I didn't I didn't I see you crying?"
He did indeed. And he came, not because I begged him, but because he saw me, before the beginning of time, and he loved me, not because of me, but because of who he is.
We find favor because he is favorable, not because we are. So we don't need to vie for God's attention. We don't need to impress him or claw over each other and compete to get his time or his blessing. We are free to experience his love and blessing and care knowing its not dependant upon us. We can rest in assurance. And the more we realize this, the more we drink of this water, the less thirsty we become for anything but God until what Jesus said to the woman at the well becomes absolutely true.
"whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never thirst again." John 4:14
"I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin you to beg me"
I am an attention whore. I like it and I crave it. I love being the center of attention and not only that but the center of affection. I want to approval of everybody in the room. My public life, my words, my actions often center on this desire. Every person is the object of my desire.
Except God.
At least at the beginning.
See we are all like this. As sinful man we run far and fast from God. We don't want him, we want ourselves. We don't want his plan, we want ours. We want pleasure NOW, not pleasure later. We never really seek God's attention. We don't try to claw our way up to heaven begging for God to take notice of us. We beg and claw and fight and strive for the attention of those who are around us.
"Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?” Ruth 2:10
Ruth asks Boaz this question after he pledges his protection over her in his fields and offers her provision of drink if she is thirsty. She does this while on her knees, face to the ground, recognizing that no Israelite in his right mind should offer this blessing to a former oppressor, a foreigner and a stranger.
I was struck by this question. In context, Ruth had done plenty worth noting, namely her loyatly to her mother in law, and her good reputation preceded her. However, I read those words and I can't help but think,
"Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a sinner?"
When God called me out of darkness, I was not seeking him. I was rebelling against everything I had learned about him, making my own path, choosing what to please myself with. Yet he was the one not content to let me finish my hell bound race. He was the one who poured his spirit into my life. He was the one who drew me back to himself so that I could have eternal life instead of eternal death. He was the one who sent his son to die so that I could be saved.
"God, why do you bother?" I often ask that question in my struggle with sin. "Why do you convict me? Why do you work to bring me back? Why do you exert your will? Why do you never give up? Why do you want me?"
His answer is actually a little bit like that song.
"I want you to want me
but I don't need you to need me
I'd just love you to love me
but I won't beg you to beg me.
Didn't I, didn't I didn't I see you crying?
Feelin all alone without a friend, I know you felt like dyin
Didn't I didn't I didn't I see you crying?"
He did indeed. And he came, not because I begged him, but because he saw me, before the beginning of time, and he loved me, not because of me, but because of who he is.
We find favor because he is favorable, not because we are. So we don't need to vie for God's attention. We don't need to impress him or claw over each other and compete to get his time or his blessing. We are free to experience his love and blessing and care knowing its not dependant upon us. We can rest in assurance. And the more we realize this, the more we drink of this water, the less thirsty we become for anything but God until what Jesus said to the woman at the well becomes absolutely true.
"whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never thirst again." John 4:14
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