Why do singles hate Valentine's Day?
We say its overly commercialized, a Hallmark holiday. We say that the expectations are too much, the romance too contrived, too arbitrary, too influenced by the companies peddling their wares.
In reality we hate it because we feel like there is nothing for us on this day. The proof that those other reasons are mere fronts for our real feelings? While a single may rail about these evils year after year, once their first Valentine's day with someone they love arrives, those objections are long forgotten as they are caught in the bliss and celebration of a love they finally found, or have perhaps recovered.
On one level, there is nothing wrong with that. If in fact there is nothing for single people on Valentine's day, then a certain amount of bitterness is justified. Why should the people who have celebrate in the face of those who have not? If we see an image of the ultra rich reveling on the streets in front of those in poverty, throwing money away because they can in front of those who don't have enough to survive, we feel a sense of injustice, and rightly so.
So is this what Valentine's day is? Is it us against them? The haves and the have not's?
If we feel this way, we are believing a lie.
We have believed that marriage is ultimate. We have believed that marriage is the greatest expression of love on the earth and since we don't have it, we are missing out. If we do have it, we have accomplished or have experienced the greatest thing this side of heaven.
This lie is not a product of our culture, of our money hungry companies out there to tell us anything they can to make a quick buck. This lie is a product of our own hearts. The Jews in the times of Jesus also believed this. In speaking to the Pharisees, Jesus puts human marriage in its rightful place.
"But Jesus answered them, “You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven." Matthew 22:29-30.
We like the fairy tales and the romance novels. "We will be together forever." It is romantic and sensational. We look into the eyes of one who loves us for who we are, not what we have done (hopefully) and we know we don't ever want to be apart from that. We want that for as long as we exist, well into the depths of eternity. We can't imagine that anyone else will love us that way. We see this as ultimate and nothing could be better.
Paul says in Ephesians 5:31-32
"'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church."
What the Bible tells us that the ultimate expression of love is Christ, his incarnation, his life, his death, his resurrection. Nothing is greater. It says marriage refers to this. Marriage is a taste of this. And as great of a taste it is, it is not THE taste, it is A taste.
Marriage is not ultimate. So there is no "missing out". There should be no "us" and "them", the "haves" and the "have nots". If we have been adopted as his sons and daughters we all have, and we all have it equally.
The applications are many. First, singles, let us celebrate along with our married friends. Don't make them walk on eggshells, afraid to remind us of what we "don't have". They experience an amazing picture of God's love and it is worth celebrating.
Second, let us celebrate what we do have. We get tastes of this same love as well, for the basis of that taste is our adoption as sons and daughters of God. Knowing this for ourselves, leading others to it, sharing in the experience of adoption with others. We see these as less of an experience because we have built up the other too high in our own minds.
Third, if marriage is a taste of Christ, then there are in fact "have nots". Not singles but those who are without Christ. Let us not forget them. Is that not what St Valentine was doing anyway? Loving those who needed it, sharing the gospel with those who had not heard?
I am desperately thirsty and I want everything that God has for me. I want to taste and see that the Lord is good. I want to experience all the fullness of all the glory of God's love through Christ. He is helping me realize that marriage is not THE way he does this. He fills me with promises, making me remember that heaven will be the same, whether I marry on earth or not. He tells me, "You already know this love, go share it." He adopts me as his son, not because of what I have done but because of who he is and what he has created me to be. I know this love and will gladly celebrate it today.
Happy Valentine's day.
